The Hunters Of Shadow Convention 3 – Sunday Group Panel
Group Panel – Sunday
Fan: We didn’t get to see a Christmas episode, but if we had, if your character were the Secret Santa of the person to your right, what would you get them?
Tessa looks forlornly at the empty chair to her right…
Alberto: I don’t want to be that guy, but Simon’s Jewish… (cheering)
Isaiah (to Dom): I’d probably get Jace a set of fighting knives. That double as steak knives.
Dom: And he would love them! And so would Dom! — (to Matt) I think I would get Alec a series of stress balls. Not just one, but like a whole box. (turns to Matt) And I’d get you like a portrait of a cow…
Matt (to Anna): What does Santa Clause get bad kids in France? Coal? It’s the same? Well…
Anna: Thank you!
Anna (to Luke): I would get you something with fire or heat. Maybe like a straightening iron or a lighter…
Luke (taking Anna’s microphone): They didn’t give me a microphone because they hate me… (crowd: AWWWW) (to Kat) I would get Kat, erm.. no.. I would.. what’s your name?
Kat: Clary!
Luke: Clary! I would get Clary another twinning rune because she liked the first one so much!
Kat (to Will): I would get Sebastian/Jonathan…
Will: That’s my name!
Kat: I would get him therapy. Maybe a warm hug.
Will (to Jade): I would get Meliorn… you know Billy Bass, the fish? You press a button and it goes (does a Billy Bass impression). I would get him one of those, but it wouldn’t say anything! It would just (turns head and opens his mouth, silently)
Jace (to Alberto): I would get Simon a list… you’re dating Izzy? Okay.. (mimes unrolling the longest scroll) – These are the things you need to know!
Alberto (to Tessa): What would Simon get Heidi?? (laughter) Probably a restraining order…
Tessa (to empty chair): Well…
Dom: You go around, you get Luke!
Tessa: Ah man. I mean, I gave you a bunch of dead werewolves and you didn’t like that…
Isaiah: Thank you for those
(laughter)
Dom: Great question to start off with! Well done! Now Dan, the poor fellow has to translate all of our nonsense!
Michelle: It’s Sunday morning so I thought I’d start you off easy – What’s your favourite dinosaur?
Matt: Am I supposed to start us off?
Kat: Sure!
Matt: You all know what my favourite one is. The one that goes.. What does it do? Show me what it does! (600 people mime the frills of the Jurassic Park dinosaur) And then it spits acid in the dude’s face. I like that guy. Someone told me the name for it and I don’t remember it and I’m sure I’m going to get yelled at for it later.. Chastise me later!
Anna: I like raptors. Cause I’m from Toronto! (Luke cheers)
Kat: They’re very wraith like as well
Matt: Raptors are? Pterodactyls more like it! Ridiculous!
Anna: Also raptor have really short front legs, like my corgi.
Matt: You have a corgi?
Anna: Yeah, his name is Jasper.
Kat: Do you guys have Land Before Time? I’m not sure…
Alberto: (unprompted) It’s a brontosaurus.
Kat: No, I’m not sure.. I like the stegosaurus.
Lots of discussion about who is who in Land Before Time, Spike is mentioned, Cera is mentioned, no one seems to quite agree who is who and what dinosaurs they each are.
Luke: I take brontosaurus!
Dom: If you play videos of lemurs running backwards it looks like a herd of brontosaurus running forwards, because their tail sticks up like that. It’s great!! (clearly searching for it on his phone)
Kat: In the way that Matt is an encyclopaedia for everything, Dom is an encyclopaedia for cute animal videos. He knows them all!
Dom: Oh yeah! Try and shock me with one today. You won’t! (still searching on his phone) Oh! My internet just died. Ok. Let’s keep going!
Will: I’m going to say triceratops BUT… you know those suits people can wear when they want to dress up like a dinosaur? It’s like half dinosaur, half arm flailing tube man. I know there’s a human inside, but I actually want one of those! I could BE a dinosaur.
Jade: Brontosaurus as well. Long neck. I think it’s because of Jurassic Park.
Alberto: Mine’s the albertosaurus. It’s actually a dinosaur…
Tessa: It’s what happens when you’ve not eaten in a few hours..
Alberto: What?
Tessa: It comes out when…
(everyone else catches on to what Tessa just said. So does Alberto…)
Alberto: Whoa…
(laughter)
Tessa: Erm… Anyway… Mine’s Pterodactyl or I could just take a train and leave..
Matt: Isaiah, what’s your favourite dinosaur?
Isaiah: You baby!
(they laugh, then high five)
Everyone pauses and looks at Dan. Kat apologises.
Fan: If you were a warlock, what would your warlock mark be?
Lots of cooing and awww’ing from the cast, as the question was asked by a very young girl, before everyone starts talking to the person next to them, failing to actually talk
Matt: Are we discussing this or what?
Dom: I’m sorry, we were explaining warlock marks to Dan.
Matt: Alright! Warlock marks. A warlock mark. What happens, is that you’re a warlock and you get a mark. Sometimes you get fish gills. Sometimes you get cat eyes. Yes, that whole cat thing. – – I would have a prehensile tail.
Kat: What kind of a tail?
Matt: It could climb trees. Overall it would be a pretty neat-o thing.
Dom: Okay, I would have wings then!
Matt: Get out of here, you can’t have wings.
Dom: Why can’t I have wings?
Matt: It’s not a mark.
Dom: It is a mark!
Matt: No, it’s a thing.
Dom: What do you mean it’s a thing? You get a tail.
Matt: It provides you too much benefit.
Dom: You get a tail!!
Matt: Yeah, *I* get a tail. *You* don’t get wings!
Dom: I get wings. I want wings.
Matt: We already discussed this
Dom: We did not discuss this! I’m having wings! I want wings
Matt: You get nothing! And like it!
Dom: You get a tail, but it’s this big (holds fingers a few centimetres apart. Cheering and laughter.) It wags when you get excited… that’s all you get!
Luke: Anna and I had the same one, which is horns
Kat: I was also going to say wings but…
Matt: But you can’t!
Kat: But I’ve decided that I would rather have legs that have the ability to run really fast. So that I can travel really far distances
Matt: (sputters) No! See! No! That’s not a mark!
Luke: That’s a superpower!
Dom: Like the legs of a cheetah or something?
Kat: Yes!
Dom: Okay, cool!
Matt: (eyerolling) I’d like to have a canon for an arm
Kat: But it’s the same as having like gills and stuff!
Alberto: I would want gills!
Kat: Cause Madzie had gills
(laughter)
Kat: Apparently we are unclear on what a warlock mark can or cannot be.
Luke: Gills don’t allow you to swim under water, do they? Can Madzie swim under water?
Jade: Yeah they let you breath underwater!
Matt: Although there are other necessary organs!
Jade: She can totally breath under water!
Dom: Well, you would need gills, but you would also need the respiratory system of a fish! If Magnus just had the eyes, could he see in the dark? I don’t know!
(cheering and whooping)
Dom: Wait, if I had wings, could I fly, or would my bones be too heavy? Because birds have hollow bones… (Matt mouths something at him) Oh! My wings are just this big? (holds hands a foot apart) They’re like chicken wings. I could only fly this far of the ground (a foot).
Matt: Are you serious? Chickens fly!
Dom: Yeah. But I’m bigger than a chicken!
Matt: I mean, big chickens exist…
Kat: You could have ostrich wings!
Will: What Alberto said is amazing! I was going to say claws, but now because of this, I want to adapt them, into those things that Spiderman has, that allows him to climb walls.
Matt: Like a gecko?
Dom: Or a spider. It’s Spiderman.
Matt: Oh yeah! Right. Wouldn’t your bones be too heavy for that, too?
Dom: Or the lesser known superhero Geckoman.
Alberto: What would you call that? Tentacle hands?
Dom: No, they’re like hooks. They’re little microscopic hooks on your fingers.
Matt: Fine hooks
Dom: Like Velcro
Matt: Well no, not like Velcro.
Alberto: If you shake someone’s hand, can you feel them?
Dom: No! They’re retractable, right?
Kat: Like Magnus’ eyes!
Dom: Like, how does he let go? Does he retract them into his hands?
Matt: I don’t know anything about Spiderman
Will: Also it can’t be Velcro! Otherwise I could only climb Velcro buildings.
(laughter)
Matt: Have you ever seen those cats climb the side of a wall?
Dom: Yeah!
Matt: Wow!
Jade: Ok, since I don’t want deformed small wings, I want skin that can glow in the dark, or that makes me invisible. Or like reflects everything, so I’m like…
Alberto: Like a chameleon?
Jade: Yeah! That’s a mark, right?
Dom: That’s pretty good!
Matt: That sounds good
Dom: That’s the most sensible answer so far!
Alberto: I would have gills. Because it’s the whole respiratory system.
Dom: So you’re including the whole.. everything?
Alberto: No, gills are the repertory system. It’s all of it.
Matt: Well that’s going to suck when you’re not in the water!
Alberto: You’d have lungs, too!
Matt: You can’t have both!!
Dom: I’m not sure whether you can have both..?
Alberto: Can you not have both?
Kat: Madzie can breathe above water!
Dom: Yeah, that’s true. She had gills, didn’t she? But her gills just murdered everyone… they had a different power. They sucked the air out of the room
Matt: (to audience) Is this a conversation that any of you can understand??
(Audience cheers)
Matt: Okay. It’s very important to me that you understand what we’re saying.
Tessa: Jade, is your skill that you turn into stuff or are you just invisible?
Jade: My skin is reflective, so I’m kind of like a mirror, invisible thing…
Tessa: I want to *become* the material I’m near to.
Jade: Oooooooh… like a cuttle fish?
Matt: A cuttle fish!
Dom: Yeah, I like that!
Isaiah: I would want diamond teeth. So if I smiled, it would be the brightest smile in the world. And if I went broke, I could pull a tooth out…
Alberto: You’d have a really strong bite, too. You could bite into anything!
Dom: Like Jaws. – – Oh wait… What was the bad guy in that called?
Isaiah: Jaws…?
Dom: So it was Jaws? That makes sense, doesn’t it?
Matt: I like that you were thinking about the financial security, too.
What’s next for your characters? I know Jonathan and Lilith for example are dead….
Luke: I mean… we’re not a 100% certain on that…
So are they in paradise or in hell? What’s next for Clace? Sizzy? Malec? And Luke as a Shadowhunter? And Meliorn, now that the seelie queen is dead?
Dom goes to start, but Isaiah draws breath
Dom: Do you want to go first?
Isaiah: I’ll just go real quick, cause it’s really easy. Luke would do whatever Alec asked him to do because now I work for the inquisitor.
(laughter)
Dom: That’s a solid answer. Jace would probably do the opposite of that because his brother is the boss now. So he’d be all “Jace, go and do this thing!” and he’d be like “oH SuRe, oKaY!”
Jace: But potentially with the way we ended the story, he would get to not do what he’s told with Clary, which is nice.
Kat: So back to normal.
Dom: Yeah. Yeah. Except maybe you’d listen this time…
(Audience ooooooohs)
Dom: Oh come on!! Put your hand up if you died because of Clary!
(Dom, Alberto, Luke, Will & Anna raise their hands)
Matt: It had never occurred to me how many people you are directly responsible for murdering…
Luke: And some of them aren’t even here!
Matt: I’m going to make things a little easier on you. Alec actually quits as inquisitor. He opens a small hardware store of exit 60 on the New Jersey turnpike. 3-4 employees. Pretty solid life. Every now and again he goes to the jersey shore during the summer.
Isaiah: Do some woodwork?
Matt: Yeah, do some woodwork. You could be an employee if you want to be? Do you have an apron?
Isaiah: I like construction!
Matt: Good. Build houses maybe. Do some contracting jobs. Move up in the world. It’d be great.
Isaiah: Nice craftsman style
Matt: Craft stuff? Yeah, that sounds great!
Isaiah: Okay!
Anna: So we can answer if we’re dead? I think Lilith would have a change of heart. Things don’t ever work out for her. I think first she’d apologise to Meliorn. (to Jade) Sorry for what I did.
Jade: It’s okay
(audience coos)
Dom: FIRST she would apologise to MELIORN??
Anna: Well… it was the last thing I did…
Luke: Yeah but… Out of all the people?
Anna: You’d be last
Dom: Okay. As long as I’m on the list…
Anna: (turning to Luke) I would cook you breakfast. Make your favourite pancakes. With lots of fire.
Luke: Thanks mama! – – I choose to believe that Clary didn’t kill me. It just looked like that. I think she strangled the evil out of me and I woke up in Toronto, by myself, really confused, wearing the weirdest outfit and I now have a job making coffee.
Kat: Java Jonathan!
Luke: Yes!!
Kat: The Morningstern siblings have it rough, both waking up in strange places, dressed very strangely… I think Clary’s draw to the shadow world is undeniable and that love she has for all those people takes her back to it, no matter what so I think she would be a part of it somehow, whether she remembers her past or not. She’d be welcomed back and maybe she could make up for all the deaths she’s caused?
Matt: Get back to murdering
Kat: She could re-join the family? Maybe murder the right people?
Will: Well, Sebastian: Dead! Jonathan: Dead! So it’s turned out pretty well for me, let me tell you!
Luke: I would like to apologise for that..
Will: If I was not dead, I’d probably get some therapy, and then I would go and see mommy dearest and then I’d be like “Who’s this guy??” (pointing at Luke) and then for the rest of my life I’d just be sorting this situation out. What’s going on??
Jade: (pointing at Will and Luke) This is so cool! Seeing them together!!
Jade: I would… well. I’ve discovered I’m the new seelie king. And I would make some changes… Like, why do we have to be assholes? So yeah, I would change stuff. I would hang out more. I would sing. We’d play. And merge the realms.
Alberto: I think Simon will continue training as a downworld deputy but he would also teach a class to shadowhunters about understanding mundanes. And he would start an initiative to teach shadowhunters how to use social media, to figure out demonic activity. He’d be like ‘Yo! People are posting on Instagram about this shit going down right now’
Dom (as Jace): Great day at the institute. Hashtag Selfie! (audience laughing and cheering) And everyone would be like ‘Jace, you’re doing it wrong. That’s not…’
Alberto: You don’t say hashtag, you *do* the hashtag…
Dom looks confused, Alberto tries to mime explain his joke, they are sitting very far apart, it’s clearly not working
Dom: We’ll talk later?
Alberto: We’ll talk later!
Tessa: Heidi is also dead. I think she’s in hell. Kicking it back. I think she’s finally where she fits in. Feeling really good. Hosting some sensible cocktail parties perhaps. I think she’s finally found her place and she’s thriving!
(Dan translates everyone but pauses and says he didn’t hear the beginning. He knows Dom/Jace would do the opposite of Isaiah but he didn’t catch that…)
Isaiah: I’m doing roadwork with Alec. We have a hard wear store… I make the keys in the back…
(Dan despairs)
Dom: Just say it in French. It makes no sense in English either, seriously, just say ‘he makes keys’ in French.
—
And that was the last question of the panel, much to Dan’s relief we are sure!
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